I’d discovered the Boneshaker doing one of those ‘what events are within
30 miles of home’ searches on the Fetch race calender. It is an
off-road duathlon comprising a 5k run 20k ride 5k run starting at
Ardington near Wantage (really more like 4.7k/21.5k/4.7k). I’ve never
done a duathlon or anything that could be described as a mountain bike
race but it sounded fun so I sent of an entry.

I wasn’t particularly worried about the run but wasn’t over confident in
my ability to ride off road in a large group so I took up the offer of a
course familiarisation the weekend before and rediscovered that I am
terrified of descending on rough terrain. In fact the guys I’d been
following disappeared in front of me without trace so I had to get the
map out. Might help if I got some of these front shock absorber things
95% of the riders seemed to have. I settled on 2 hours as being an
achievable goal for the event.

The 20th September turned out to be a perfect morning with sun and no
wind. I collected my chip, hung my old Marin up in the bike area then
listened carefully to the transition instructions. About 230 of us ran
off in one bunch, I was aware that many of these were relay team runners
and I needed to hold a bit back. Through woods and paths, after about
10 minutes the 1st of the Skeleteens came past leading their 5k run
only. The 2nd Skeleteen not far behind wearing his running shorts
nearer his knees than his waist to reveal 3 inches of pristine checked
boxer shorts – obviously not willing to leave his sense of fashion
behind. I was parched, I’d neglected to drink anything before the
start. We finished at a pace downhill on tarmac. Grab a cup of water,
over the chip mat, on with helmet, mitts and Hydropak and walk bike a
few metres to start of ride.

The 1st mile was on tarmac and I guzzled energy drink while I had the
chance. Up a track then 1st descent on grass and I knew to go wide as
we had a sharp turn at the bottom. The 1st of many bumpy chalk tracks
soon turned into uphill single track but I was going well and managed to
squeeze round a couple of slow climbers. A bit of the Ridgeway then
another grassy descent where I was passed by several. Marshalled
through what felt like a hole in the hedge into woodland then a hard
single track climb and I got my breath back twiddling behind a rider I’d
no chance of passing.

Now I had to pick my wheel rut for a long chalk decent as they were deep
and once in I wouldn’t be able climb out. A sigh of relief from those
trapped behind me as the track turned to gravel and those stuck behind
me could get past this terrified amateur who wouldn’t let go of the
brakes.

Feeling good as we climbed up tarmac road then turned back onto chalk
and grass. The views were great – we were right on top of things. Back
onto the Ridgeway then onto the final descent down a curving chalk track
littered with loose bits. My adrenaline was up now and I let the bike
fly as much as I dared only getting passed by a couple of bouncy fork
folk. Left onto tarmac and hammered it the last 2 flat miles of lane.

Approaching The Finish

Somewhere along the way I seemed to have forgotten I had to run another
5k, a reverse of the 1st run this time starting up hill. I dumped my bike, drained the sports drink and some water and set off at a pathetic jog. 1 chap was walking up the hill, another had stopped and was doing some stretches, not just me struggling then. I settled into a rhythm as we left tarmac and hung onto then passed a bloke in front, I ran most of the distance 100m behind a small pack I couldn’t quite catch. Turned into the finish field and the clock said 1:52 something so I pushed myself over the line before it changed to 1:53. Handed a bottle of water and a goody bag, I swigged the water while I cheered a few in. A
chap came up to me and said he’d been just behind me the whole event but couldn’t quite catch me which felt good. I was raving about how much fun it had been and he said if I liked this event then I really ought to consider the Hairy Legs from Goring in May.

The car was pretty hot when I got back to it as I’d left it parked in
the sun with the windows fully closed. Running in a cycle shirt seems
to be a smelly thing to do and I was relieved I was travelling alone. A
quick look in the goody bag revealed a custom ‘Boneshaker’ flapjack, it
had whey in though so not for me but Jane can have it. Then a
Boneshaker buff, that’s different. The other thing in the bottom of the
bag amongst the sponsors literature turned out to be a bar of organic,
vegetarian soap … how thoughtful!