I’ve been wondering, with a touch of dismay, where my running speed has got to these last couple of months. It’s not as if I had much in the first place but recently paces I achieved earlier in the year and hoped to build on seem way out of reach.

Back in February I scraped a half marathon PB of 1:44:03 at Wokingham. Not long after PBs at the Banbury Run and the Compton 20. I ran just a few seconds short of my best parkrun time during April without even trying for a PB. But since then nothing has been fast.

So, as a vegan, the first thing I wonder is whether there’s a problem with my diet. I eat a fair amount of vegan junk food along with my fruit and veg. Then there’s the beer which probably doesn’t help. But no – I eat the same now as I was eating earlier in the year and for several years now, I did give up beer for a month last April but Wokingham was in February so hardly relevant. I’ve been weighing myself regularly for the last couple of months and remain a stable 61 kilo. I’ve also been looking at what I eat and trying to spot possible deficiencies – not a thing I usually do – most of the time I just eat what I fancy – and I can’t see any cause for concern. Nope, I don’t think it’s anything to do with my diet!

Oxford parkrun #41

So why are my parkrun times 90 seconds slower? Why am I struggling, and often failing, to keep my shorter runs under 9 minute miles? Why am I thinking it’s going to be tough to get in under 1:50 at Burnham Beeches Half this coming Sunday, I’m not even considering a PB attempt. Why have my recent attempts at speedwork felt more like a short dash before I give into my moaning body rather than the satisfying, tough but even effort they should be? Maybe most important why does the idea of getting under 4 hours at the Abingdon Marathon begin to feel more like a dream than a target!

Looking back I think doing the Northants Ultra shortly after that horrid MK Marathon in the endless rain was the start of my troubles. I trained myself to slow right down to 12 minute miles and maybe got too comfortable with them. Perhaps I should have had a weeks break after for a proper recovery, I felt I was coming back ok though. Then that stomach bug left me weak for a bit and despite missing the Jericho Run because of it I maybe ran the NSPCC Half, shortly followed by my 10 mile Real Relay leg in the rain, before I’d got my strength back.

I’m not convinced by any of these physical reasons though. I reckon my body is up to going a bit faster but my mind is holding me back. Instead of slowing me with phantom aches and pains my central governor is taking more direct action and having a go at my motivation, smothering my ability to suffer with a comfortable ‘why bother’ blanket just when I need to push a bit harder. A haze of mild depression partly fuelled by the very inability to progress it helps create.

Anyway I’ve written this drivel down as it helps to clarify and I might want to look back at it. I started it this morning and have since run a rather pleasing interval session where I hit my target pace and time. I shall do my darnedest to get under 1:50 at Burnham Beeches. This is the turning point!